Loading... Please wait...

N2K Newsletter


Toddlers Tantrums

Top tips for dealing with toddlers’ tantrums
by Shanta Everington
I hadn’t really worried about the terrible twos and toddlers’ tantrums when my son was a baby. But we hit a sticky patch when he was about two and a half years old and started having major toddler tantrums, throwing himself on the floor, thrashing and screaming.
My husband and I started blaming one another for his 'misbehaviour'. My husband: 'I told you we needed to be stricter; he needs firmer boundaries ...'  Me: 'It's too many rules that are the problem; he needs freedom to express himself ...'  
The fact is, the world can seem very unreasonable and scary when you are two. And life can be pretty overwhelming and bewildering when you are the parent of a two-year-old too. You can find yourself wondering if your child's behaviour is normal and whether you are doing ‘the right thing’.
In my quest to find answers, I spoke to many other parents, both in person and online. It was hugely reassuring to hear their stories. Some parents had no problems with toddlers’ tantrums but worried themselves sick about faddy eaters. For others, the potty had become an object of much fear and hatred!  Sleep regularly cropped up in the conversations!  
I wrote The Terrible Twos: A Parent’s Guide to help other parents who are going through challenging times with their two-year-olds, and worrying about what they ‘should’ be doing. All two-year-olds are unique and their parents are too. Different approaches work for different people. But everyone agreed it was good to share experiences and ideas. 
My book is not a prescriptive ‘one-size-fits-all’ manual but rather a collection of ideas for parents to choose from. As a qualified early years teacher, I drew on my professional training, as well as personal experience and case studies from a range of parents. The resulting guide aims to help you understand the terrible twos and why they happen, as well as offering parenting strategies to help you and your child through this developmental phase.
Parenting during the terrible twos doesn't have to be a time of stress and tears. This is a year of huge learning opportunities for both you and your child. Like everything in life, parenting during the terrible twos takes practice, patience and trial and error. 
Toddler tantrums top tips 
Observe your child and look out for triggers. Does the behaviour often occur at a particular time?  Perhaps they always 'act up' when they are hungry or tired. If so, make sure you tackle the cause by offering a snack or a nap. An exhausted child needs to be comforted and calmed down. Do problems often arise during a particular activity?  Perhaps they are bored or frustrated by the activity. Try making changes accordingly and see what happens.
Praise your child when they are behaving in ways you want to encourage. Make sure you have one-to-one time with your child every day playing together and doing fun things. Sometimes, children 'act up' because they need your attention and don't know how else to get it.
If your child is behaving in a way that you do not consider acceptable, for example, banging doors and throwing things, come down to their level, and explain that it’s not acceptable. Make sure you share a hug when the toddler tantrum has finished. 
Try to remain calm. The calmer you are, the less toddler tantrums are likely to occur and the quicker they are likely to end. Walk out of the room and count to ten before returning if you need to.
Remember that very young children are not yet capable of reasoning fully. Avoid lengthy explanations. It can be helpful to redirect their attention to something else if they start to 'misbehave'.
Read stories with your child. Your child will learn to identify with the characters and their feelings. This will help them to deal with their own feelings, as well as empathise with others.
And as for our family? Eventually, we learned how to help avoid toddler tantrums and how to support our son when his feelings were running out of control. In turn, our son began to learn how to manage his feelings and the tantrums started to reduce in frequency and severity. It didn’t happen overnight and yes, it was hard work!

Top tips for dealing with toddlers’ tantrums

toddlers-tantrums.jpg

by Shanta Everington

I hadn’t really worried about the terrible twos and toddlers’ tantrums when my son was a baby. But we hit a sticky patch when he was about two and a half years old and started having major toddler tantrums, throwing himself on the floor, thrashing and screaming.

My husband and I started blaming one another for his 'misbehaviour'. My husband: 'I told you we needed to be stricter; he needs firmer boundaries ...'  Me: 'It's too many rules that are the problem; he needs freedom to express himself ...'  

The fact is, the world can seem very unreasonable and scary when you are two. And life can be pretty overwhelming and bewildering when you are the parent of a two-year-old too. You can find yourself wondering if your child's behaviour is normal and whether you are doing ‘the right thing’.

In my quest to find answers, I spoke to many other parents, both in person and online. It was hugely reassuring to hear their stories. Some parents had no problems with toddlers’ tantrums but worried themselves sick about faddy eaters. For others, the potty had become an object of much fear and hatred!  Sleep regularly cropped up in the conversations!  

I wrote The Terrible Twos: A Parent’s Guide to help other parents who are going through challenging times with their two-year-olds, and worrying about what they ‘should’ be doing. All two-year-olds are unique and their parents are too. Different approaches work for different people. But everyone agreed it was good to share experiences and ideas. 

My book is not a prescriptive ‘one-size-fits-all’ manual but rather a collection of ideas for parents to choose from. As a qualified early years teacher, I drew on my professional training, as well as personal experience and case studies from a range of parents. The resulting guide aims to help you understand the terrible twos and why they happen, as well as offering parenting strategies to help you and your child through this developmental phase.

Parenting during the terrible twos doesn't have to be a time of stress and tears. This is a year of huge learning opportunities for both you and your child. Like everything in life, parenting during the terrible twos takes practice, patience and trial and error. 

Toddler tantrums top tips 

  • Observe your child and look out for triggers. Does the behaviour often occur at a particular time?  Perhaps they always 'act up' when they are hungry or tired. If so, make sure you tackle the cause by offering a snack or a nap. An exhausted child needs to be comforted and calmed down. Do problems often arise during a particular activity?  Perhaps they are bored or frustrated by the activity. Try making changes accordingly and see what happens.
  • Praise your child when they are behaving in ways you want to encourage. Make sure you have one-to-one time with your child every day playing together and doing fun things. Sometimes, children 'act up' because they need your attention and don't know how else to get it.
  • If your child is behaving in a way that you do not consider acceptable, for example, banging doors and throwing things, come down to their level, and explain that it’s not acceptable. Make sure you share a hug when the toddler tantrum has finished.
  • Try to remain calm. The calmer you are, the less toddler tantrums are likely to occur and the quicker they are likely to end. Walk out of the room and count to ten before returning if you need to.
  • Remember that very young children are not yet capable of reasoning fully. Avoid lengthy explanations. It can be helpful to redirect their attention to something else if they start to 'misbehave'.
  • Read stories with your child. Your child will learn to identify with the characters and their feelings. This will help them to deal with their own feelings, as well as empathise with others.

And as for our family? Eventually, we learned how to help avoid toddler tantrums and how to support our son when his feelings were running out of control. In turn, our son began to learn how to manage his feelings and the tantrums started to reduce in frequency and severity. It didn’t happen overnight and yes, it was hard work!

For more information on how to deal with toddler tantrums and the terrible twos, take a look at Shanta's book, available in eBook and printed book format. Buy the printed version and get the eBook free!